The Stars Hollow Branch
by larrymcg
Summary: What if our favorite Dunder-Mifflin branch was located in Stars Hollow instead of Scranton? Office/Gilmore Girls crossover. The world is combined from elements of Season 3 of The Office and Season 3 of the Gilmore Girls, but isn't meant to have exact continuity.


"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Rory."

"One more time. Say it like you really feel it."

"Uh, okay." She thought Michael Scott was strange, but tried to humor him. "Dunder-Mifflin, this is Rory," she said, a little louder than before.

"Excellent! You're hired."

"Really?" Rory asked, surprised that's all it took.

Michael led her out of his office and made an announcement. "Ladies and gentleman! Please welcome our new part time receptionist Rory Gilmore to Dunder-Mifflin!" The office did not seem nearly as excited about this announcement as Michael had hoped. "Okay, let's get you started. It's pretty simple. Screen all calls except for Ryan or Jan."

"Okay, Ryan and Jan," she said, writing it down on her notepad. "So are they from corporate?"

"No, they are my soulmates," Michael replied.

"Oh….," was all Rory could muster.

"And last rule, don't break Jim's heart. That's what the last receptionist did." With that, Michael retreated to his office.

A little bit later, Jim walked up to greet her. "Hi, I'm Jim."

"Nice to meet you," Rory pleasantly replied.

"Don't worry about Michael. He's actually a really nice guy."

Just as he said this, Michael shouted, "That's what she said!" into the phone in his office.

"But sometimes you have to really search to find it," Jim added.

"Good to know."

"I got a job," Rory said as she entered the kitchen at home.

Lorelai was there stuffing candy into a bowl. "A job?"

"It's for school. They're giving us a few hours off every day to learn what it's like in the real world."

"Why not just work at the inn?"

"Well after Paris yelled for a little bit, they specifically said you can't work for your parents, or any relatives, or any friends of your relatives. It's supposed to be a job you got entirely on your own. Then Paris started yelling again."

"Wow. So what silly hat will you have to wear?" Lorelai teased.

"No, it's nothing like that. It's Dunder-Mifflin. They sell paper."

"What?"

"Paper. They sell it."

"Like for those funny cigarettes?"

"Funny cigarettes?"

"Happy Days marathon yesterday," Lorelai said by way of explanation.

"No, Mr. C," Rory said, indulging her mother. "You know, if someone has a company and they need to use paper for forms, accounting, general printing."

"And they don't want to go to Office Depot?"

"Keep it up and I won't tell you about the cute guy that works there."

"Please Rory, I am not that des… how cute?"

"You can find out tomorrow, because he's coming by the inn."

"Wait, you set me up with a guy?"

"No, it's a sales call."

"A _paper_ sales call?"

"Yeah…"

"So you set me up with a guy?"

"Maybe, but what's so wrong with that? Like I said, he's really, really cute."

"Rory, I think it's a little pathet… WONKA! We're missing it! Grab the candy."

Rory grabbed the candy and they rushed into the living room as Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory started.

The next morning, neither of them were feeling very well. They held their stomachs as they walked down the street toward Luke's Diner.

"Why did you let me eat so much?" Lorelai whined.

"Me? You're the parent. You're supposed to look after my health."

"I don't think I'm ever eating again."

"Yeah, I don't even think I can eat breakfast."

"Me either. We should just keep on walking and not even go in to Luke's."

"Now Rory, wouldn't that be rude?"

"You're right. We should at least go in, just to say hi."

"Yeah, and maybe we can order _something_."

"Like pancakes?"

"And bacon?"

"Eggs!"

"Hash browns!"

"French toast!"

"Coffee!" they said in unison.

They walked into Luke's diner, but were greeted with an unpleasant voice that sounded all too familiar.

"Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?" Paris demanded. She was wearing an apron and carrying a pot of coffee.

"Paris, what are you doing here?" Rory asked.

She held out the coffee pot. "What does it look like I'm doing here?!" she snapped.

"Your husband died, so you moved here with your son to pursue your dream as a singer?" Lorelai playfully asked.

Rory giggled, but then it dawned on her. "The assignment!"

"Yes, the assignment. The stupid assignment. As if watching people cram lard and caffeine down their throats is somehow supposed to prepare me for the real world. But if I have to do this stupid assignment, then I'm going to do it good. That means I can't wait for the two of you to stand here giggling about god knows what. I'm gonna go check on one of my orders, and you two better be sitting and ready to order by the time I get back or I'm serving you decaf and wheat toast."

They both quickly sat down. Once Paris scampered away, Luke came over. "Sorry about that," he said, gesturing to Paris.

"Why on earth did you hire her?" Lorelai asked.

"I tried not to! I must have said no over a thousand times. She wouldn't go away. She kept incessantly yammering over and over again about how she demanded that I hire her and I just couldn't take it anymore. It was either strangle her or hire her."

"Tough decision," Rory said.

"I flipped a coin," Luke grunted as he walked away.

"Uh oh," Lorelai said, sensing trouble as she saw who walked into the door.

"Get out of here!" Luke shouted from behind the counter.

He was yelling at Dwight Schrute, who was standing there with samples of beets. "Luke, you need beets! If you continue to deny your customers my wonderful beets, it's your funeral."

Luke started moving toward Dwight, who began backing out of the diner. "I don't like beets. I don't want beets. I'm never gonna order beets! And if you come in here again, I'm gonna take a beet and shove it up your…"

Later that afternoon, Rory walked into the Dunder-Mifflin kitchen to get some coffee.

"Rit-da-dit-dit-doo!"

"Excuse me?" A confused Rory asked.

"So you're in high school, right?" Andy asked.

"Uh, yep." Rory was nervous about where this was going.

"Here, take this," Andy said as he gave her a card.

Rory read the card. "Here Comes Treble."

"That's my a capella group. We totally rock."

"That's great," Rory replied, trying to be pleasant.

"Book us for prom. You won't be disappointed."

"Yeah, I'll try to keep that in mind," Rory said, and tried to get away, but she was interrupted at the door by Dwight.

"You were late today," he said officiously.

"I'm just part time, Dwight. I come here after school."

"Everyone has a different excuse. I don't accept theirs. Why should I accept yours?"

"Rory!"

"Sorry Dwight, but we'll have to continue this pleasant conversation tomorrow."

Rory walked back into the office and witnessed a horrifying sight. Michael was talking to Jess. And Jess didn't seem very happy with what was being said.

"What did you call me?!"

"Fonzie," Michael said, giggling.

"Rory!" Jess bellowed.

Rory hurried over before things got out of control. "Michael, this is my boyfriend Jess."

"So that would make you Pinky!" Michael said, as if he'd made a brilliant new discovery.

Jess was starting to lose his cool. "Rory, if this guy calls me Fonzie one more time…."

"You mean this guy who is my boss for the job I need to keep?" Rory said, trying to calm him down.

"I'll be downstairs," he said, a little more calm, but not very pleasant.

"I guess that's a goodbye," Rory said as she gathered her stuff. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

It would be weeks before Michael would stop annoying the Office with Happy Days references.

Jim entered the Independence Inn, not really certain why he was there. It didn't seem like this place would be using very much paper. Why would he be making a sales call to a place that wouldn't provide him much commission? Deep down he knew the real answer, but didn't want to admit it. "I'm here to see Lorelai Gilmore"

"You're here to see Lorelai?" a surprised Michel asked.

"Yeah, for a sales call."

"Sales call?" Michel replied, trying to make it sound salacious.

"Uh, yep," Jim said, getting really uncomfortable. "Sales call."

"I'll go get her," Michelle said, barely suppressing a sinister smile.

In the kitchen, Lorelai was sampling Sookie's latest cuisine. "Pretty good," Lorelai said.

"Pretty good? That's it? It can't be pretty good, it has to be great." Sookie's voice started sounding really hyper.

"It's great, Sookie."

"No, but you said pretty good," Sookie said, continuing to lose control. "That was your first impression, and first impressions are what matters!"

Lorelai put her hands on Sookie's shoulders to calm her down. "Sookie, it was great! I promise."

Sookie took a deep breath. "Okay, okay, calming down."

"I hate to spoil the party," Michel said as he walked in the kitchen, "but the himbo you ordered is waiting for you, Lorelai."

"The himbo?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes, he said he was here to see you for a sales call. Lorelai, I can understand the need to have some companionship and purchasing these services is sometimes the only way for that to happen, but perhaps your escorts could meet you at some other location instead of the workplace."

Lorelai remembered. "Oh no, it must be the guy Rory sent here."

"Rory set you up with a guy?" Sookie asked, which caused Michel to snicker.

"No, she's working for this paper company and she sent him here for a sales call."

"So she set you up with a guy," Sookie said.

Michel kept snickering and Lorelai was in no mood for this. "Scram!" He obliged, but not without laughing some more.

Lorelai walked out to the lobby the lobby to greet Jim. She was surprised to see how attractive, and young, this man was, but was still determined to send him away. "Hi, you must be Jim. Look, I don't know what my daughter told…"

"Wait a second. Watch this," Jim said, gesturing over to the front desk. A smug Michel walked back to sit in his usual, but fell straight down.

"Lorelai! Who lowered my chair?!" Michel yelled from behind the counter.

Lorelai was very amused by this. "Lorelai Gilmore," she said, extending her hand.

"Jim Halpert," he said, extending his.

"We should probably get out of dodge before he comes after us," Lorelai said.

"We could get a bite to eat somewhere," Jim said. "You know, for the sales call."

Lorelai smiled. "Yeah, the sales call."


End file.
